Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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