You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
our cab driver is having phone sex.
the day after is always just damage control
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
