OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
