Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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