Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
