Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
