I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
