so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Can Purell be used as lube?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
