To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I am available for nakedness
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
