So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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