There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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