do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
