I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
