i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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