It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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