I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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