I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
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No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
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I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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