this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
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