why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
