Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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