you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
