I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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