she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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