we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
