He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
