she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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