Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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