the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize