I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
