I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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