Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
it's not cheating when I paid for it
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
