if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
