So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
