I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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