nut hugger
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
