happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
