I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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