I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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