the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
