I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
