So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
