In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
