When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
