Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
