naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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