Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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