is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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