I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
