you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
