She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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