He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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