That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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