first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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