Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Welp...herpes.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
