there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
