Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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