She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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