I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
