Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
