You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
