she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
