my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
