it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
