Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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