I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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