I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
