she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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