i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
