There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
