walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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