White coat. Heels.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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