dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
