The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
