Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
bring money and cleavage
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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