You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
